Instagram photo by Cthulu • Oct 10, 2016 at 2:49pm UTC

Canadian Thanksgiving special: this piece of ANSI art was drawn by guest Phaze, riffing off of the name of our WHQ The Screaming Tomato (as you may recall) and released in issue #1 of our house e-mag Kithe, included in our very first artpack release in October of 1994. There it acted as the introduction to the following historical account drafted by Livewire (most likely as a mesage for enjoyment by the denizens of Al’s House of Meats BBS and captured by myself for wider use.) While the very institution of Thanksgiving is on shaky footing in these #idlenomore days, these works are sufficiently removed from the seasonal rationale that you may still be able to enjoy them. Cheers!

   You eat your Thanksgiving dinner (although these days, thanks are optional)
and then what do you do?  Why, of course, you go lie down in a comfy chair with
one hand in your pants (men only).  Why?  Because, as modern science has
discovered, turkeys contain a certain endorphin that causes drowsiness.  Thus,
after eating enough turkey, you'll get drowsy and fall asleep.  (Usually in
front of a good hockey game, but this year's NHL contract difficulties have
precluded that option) :(

   So why do turkeys contain this endorphine?  Well, I found out many years
ago, when I lived on the farm.  It was mid-september, and it was late
afternoon; we were just getting everything put away, and getting ready to wash
up for dinner.  As I was penning up the animals, one of the turkeys got loose.
Not a problem, I just had to run after it.  This one had a good head start
though, so I got my jacket, expecting to be out for at least a couple of hours
in the forest.  After about 15 minutes, I managed to catch up with the renegade
farm fowl, when suddenly, to my horror, it was attacked by a wolf.  I ducked
behind a tree, hoping like hell it would devour the turkey, and leave me alone.

 Luckily, it did just this, and loped off in the direction it had come from.  I
stepped out to examine the remains of the turkey.  It was well picked over.
Only a few bones and its feathers remained.  A sudden sound behind me gave me a
start, and thinking it might be another predator, I leapt into the bushes to
hide.  To my utter shock, it was in fact a small group of turkeys.  I couldn't
tell, due to the waning light, whether they were ours or not.

   After they had passed, I came out of hiding, and followed them down the
trail.  About two miles later, the turkeys stopped.  They began to spread out,
silently advancing on a nearby bush.  Without warning, they pounced on it, and
began tearing it apart.  I was amazed to see the wolf, lying under the bush
sleeping, was suddenly being assaulted by this pack of wild turkeys.  They were
ripping off its flesh, pecking it eyes out... I can not describe the horror.
When they were done, not a scrap remained.  Even the bones had been chewed up
and swallowed.  White-faced and shivering, I made my way home, quietly as
possible, so as not to alarm the turkeys.

   Since that day, I have a newfound respect for turkeys, and after a big
Thanksgiving dinner, I sleep with a loaded magnum under the seat cushion, to
blow away any killer turkeys, or annoying, unwanted house guests.
    +  END  +
     -Travis

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!


Pic by Phaze 
Story by Livewire 

Instagram photo by Cthulu • Oct 10, 2016 at 2:49pm UTC